April 20, 2021

better WHOLE than skinny.

I’ve got it taped to my nightstand and I read it every night..

“It is more important to be whole than skinny” 

Maybe if you’re like me, you’ve walked with the culture for a really long time… skinny = healthy…

Can you relate? Maybe you’ve wanted to look good for so long on the outside, that you really didn’t care about what the inside looked like… you’d sacrifice anything just to attain an image that always seemed to be … out of reach? As long as the outside looked like you had it all together, no one had to see what was really going on, right? That was ME. 

Over 2020, God has been taking me on an identity journey like I could’ve never dreamed. He’s shown me wisdom, given me understanding, and then began to push some pain points that I didn’t want anyone to be touching… 

I found out that those pain points that the Holy Spirit has his finger on?? Those are FUTURE MIRACLE SITES…if only you say YES to his invitation.  

That’s where I was.. So desperate for God to heal me from the religious spirit of “looking good.” that I said yes and it’s been a journey of some serious, gut-wrenching lies being dug up. 

I heard someone once say, “I’ve found my freedom in being fat…” and boy… did THAT  rub me the wrong way…”SKINNY IS HEALTHY!” my brain would shout!! “That’s ludicrous to find freedom in being fat! I bet she is just being lazy… ”  (I told you, I am the real deal over here!)

(All along this point in time… I kept seeing the word humility pop up.. Like EVERYWHERE! God was trying to get through my little knucklehead mind!)

Through a series of frustrations and events, I was forced to find out what it really meant. God began to take me on a journey of self-compassion that I didn’t know I needed. 

Being free doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want, whenever you want, just for the fun of it. Being free of something means that I am free OF THE MASTERY of it. Let hte healing come and allow yourself the freedom from the mastery of food and from the mastery of “looking good”. This means that it no longer gets to control me. I am not free when I force my body to be a slave to the cultural term of “skinny” — I no longer will bow to what society says is “good and acceptable.” 

It means for me not to be a slave to trying to attain what our culture has deemed as “being skinny.” They slam skinny models everywhere and then call it healthy… . For -literally- all of my life, I thought the ultimate goal in life was to be skinny, because that’s all I heard and saw growing up. I constantly saw everyone around me trying to run after this dangling carrot. 

I remember writing in my journal in 4th grade… “Wow, I’m 88lbs.. I can’t believe this. I am so fat!” Why in the world, as a 10 year old, did no one correct me? 

You see, we are a product of our childhood and upbringing — we form strongholds of self preservation around thoughts that are not rightly based in the world and if we grow up never allowing ourselves to open up and expose those points of pain… How can freedom come?

First, you must be still.. Find those places of rest and Sabbath and allow your heart to connect with the Holy Spirit to hear what He is speaking to you. 

As I have begun to climb this mountain, I’ve realized that being healed and whole is more important than being skinny. And it’s a constant battle. But my worth is not found in how I look. It is found in who Christ says I ALREADY am. Which is a balm to my once-striving heart. I am free. I am at peace. I am at rest. He’s already called me in – before I could do anything to “look good”. 

Get alone with the Holy Spirit and ask Him these questions:

  1. What paths of pain am I walking in that you want to shift me from?
  2. Where do you want me to go instead? 

As you do this, trust that the Holy Spirit IS the one speaking to you. If it good, righteous, true, pure — you can bet it’s Him. Begin to journal what He is speaking to you — and remember — once he has spoken — immediately OBEY and walk in the way He is showing you. Once you begin to linger.. The enemy will come in and try to snatch the seed that is taking root in your heart. 

May you walk in all the fullness of the Life of Jesus Christ,

Julie <3

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